


Not Alone, Never Alone

by NebulousMistress



Category: Star Wars Original Trilogy
Genre: Destruction of Alderaan (Star Wars), Gen, POV First Person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-24
Updated: 2021-01-24
Packaged: 2021-03-16 01:34:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 557
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28948257
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NebulousMistress/pseuds/NebulousMistress
Summary: We've all seen the artist's renditions of Alderaan's destruction. I stand alone watching my world destroyed. That's not how it happened. I wasn't strong enough.
Kudos: 10





	Not Alone, Never Alone

**Author's Note:**

> This story doubles as a [Bad Things Happen Bingo](https://nebulousmistress.tumblr.com/post/616692789320810496/here-is-your-card-for-bad-things-happen-bingo) prompt fill for Lost Their Voice from Screaming. It's less detailed than I normally roll but still a bad thing happening.

The propaganda is a lie.

I've seen the propaganda. Alderaan's destruction is a common theme of propagandist art now that I represent the Alderaanian Diaspora in the New Republic Senate. They all show the same scene: me pounding at the window while I watch, alone, stoic, strong, pretty, the reflection of my destroyed planet in the transparasteel of the Death Star's observation deck. Sometimes there's a faceless Imperial behind me, usually there isn't. The propagandists always like to pretend I was so much younger then, never older than 14. A child. A lost, abandoned, innocent, lonely child set adrift in the galaxy at the hands of cruel Imperials void-bent on destroying all that's good and decent and right.

It wasn't like that.

I wasn't a child.

I wasn't innocent in the eyes of Imperial law.

I wasn't alone.

I wasn't strong enough.

At first he held me back. Cold droid hands under leather gloves gripped my arms, bruising me, as he stood tall and dark and silent while Grand Moff Tarkin give the order. I tried to fight him but Darth Vader was always gigantic. Taller, broader, stronger than myself. An unholy amalgamation of machine and man.

But then the laser fired.

I did not pound the window as my planet was destroyed. I did not pout prettily with a single aesthetically pleasing tear sparkling on my face.

No.

I could not watch as my world was destroyed. I could not stand there looking pretty. I could not even plead for my planet's life in the face of overwhelming evil. That's not what happened at all.

When faced with such utter destruction, there's often little we can do but scream.

I screamed.

I screamed and I held onto the only thing I could.

He'd tormented me. Tortured me. Ripped through my mind with a Force I didn't understand at the time. But in that moment I didn't care.

And neither did he.

I didn't watch as my planet ceased to be. I turned away before the bolt hit atmosphere. I turned and wrapped my arms around Darth Vader's chest. I screamed into his armor as he held me, as a pain I didn't comprehend ripped through me. I screamed with the voices of all my people. I screamed and screamed and screamed until I had no voice left. Until all the voices within me were dead. I screamed until all sound stopped.

The propaganda is a lie. I was not alone. I didn't even watch.

I hid in the arms of my father and cried like his little girl. And to this day I swear I felt his warm hands in my hair, his breath on my cheek, his arms around me, his strength holding me together, his sweet words of nothingness telling me everything would be okay.

When it was over he carried me back to my cell. I curled up in his arms and let him and never wanted him to put me down.

But he did. And then, only then was I alone.

He was a monster. I can never forgive him for what he did to me or my planet. For what he did to the entire galaxy.

I can't even forgive him for comforting me. If I do the Senate will never forgive me.

I'm not even sure I can forgive myself.


End file.
